Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it because I queefed?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
