the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
