I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
