why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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