I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
