is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
