Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
