Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
