Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
