i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
