I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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