i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
