im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
