i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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