ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize