Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
