I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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