she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
