Moan for me like Helen Keller
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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