if you like me you must not know who I am
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
