worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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