Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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