I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize