pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
