I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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