is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
