I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
