I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
