I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
