Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
