I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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