if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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