There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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