Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
