I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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