she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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