The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
