Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
