i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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