I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
