Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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