Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
