Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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