wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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