shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
