Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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