i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
