Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
