hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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