I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
