She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize