I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
