You really coming over, don't trick.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
