the new term for farting is butt boxing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Randomize
