32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
