New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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