I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
