Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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