I will die if light touches me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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