I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
