If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
