i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
