Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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