I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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