there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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