He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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