I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
