My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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