Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
