you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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