1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
