You're so nebulous sometimes
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
