When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
