just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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