I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
