I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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