just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
