Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
