i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
