my room smells like sperm. sweet.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
