i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
