i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
