standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
