i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
