2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I could make wine with my vomit
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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