i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
