Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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