you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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